Beautifully Broken

Readings: Matthew 9:9-13, 18-26    Truth Be Told by Matthew West

Please pray with me- Dear Holy One and Wholeness- May your Love and Light guide my words and our thoughts into your presence.

When I think about that scripture reading I am reminded of the 3 A’s that we talk about in 12 step programs, such as AA, NA and Alanon.

I’m not here to promote 12 step programs but they've brought me serenity and some insights I’d like to share with you.

Also worth noting is that Richard Rohr, a Franciscan friar and prolific author and founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation believes that the 12 step method follows the same principles of Jesus’ teachings. He notes that both paths require radical surrender.

So, back to the 1st of the 3 A’s- which is Awareness.

This woman in the scripture had awareness of her own need for healing and where to go to get help.

Another thing we say in my 12 step program is that you shouldn’t go to the hardware store for bread. Now, this seems obvious to people who aren’t broken in that way, but for me, I’ve often sought help and support from people who aren’t available or able to be helpful at the time I needed help.

The 2nd A is Acceptance.

For many of us, acceptance is less embraced than the 1st A of Awareness.

As for me, I don’t easily or quickly accept hard things that are happening to me or my loved ones. Denial of my own human condition, with its broken aspects is almost as true for me as my denial of others also being human and as broken as me.

I’m still surprised that I’m so human and in a human body that is aging. I’ve always been amused at my older patients who told me they think of themselves as much younger than their actual chronological age. Now I get it.

Acceptance isn’t always easy.

At my Ministry in Discernment meeting we were talking about my spiritual belief that we are all whole, not broken, but it was wisely pointed out to me that that isn’t how we often feel at 3am or experience in our lives.

This 2nd A of Acceptance comes with more honesty, humility and vulnerability than I’m usually comfortable with. This woman had to accept her condition, at least enough acceptance so she could lean into the 3rd A- which is Action.

Most of us in our culture and backgrounds embrace the 3rd A of Action with gusto….IF it’s not too vulnerable or doesn’t require us to let go and surrender too fully.

Her 3rd A of Action was that she reached out and touched Jesus’ garment.

I consider her act as either incredibly brave or full of faith. Maybe both. Probably both.

Jesus certainly saw her faith as the healing ingredient. It probably was quite “simple” of an action- she just had to reach out. Not easy probably- but simple.

So, that’s the 3 A’s that I see her doing so beautifully.

Now- for the first 3 steps of the 12 step program can be summed up like this.

Step 1: I can’t, Step 2, God can, Step 3, I’m going to let God.

Let’s break those down a little

Step 1- I can’t

When I realize I am truly powerless over so many circumstances and people it puts me in a position to accept step 1. I don’t like to admit that I can’t even do some of the most basic life skill things of self care without God’s help.

Step 2- God can

I’ve continually been shown that God can do for me what I can’t for myself-

this includes helping me to ask for help or accept others help. Many of us like to be the one to help others but it’s much harder to ask for and accept that help from anyone else.

Step 3- I’m going to let God

Here’s the “radical surrender” part that Richard Rohr speaks about in Jesus’ teachings and in the 12 step programs. This one is a challenge for me but like most of this, it’s simple and clear.

My brother gave me a framed story for Christmas about 25 years ago, that goes like this:

It’s titled- “Let Go and Let God”

(By Lauretta P. Burns)

As children bring their broken toys,

With tears to mend.

I brought my dreams to God

Because God was my friend.

But then, instead of leaving God in Peace to work alone

I hung around and tried to help

With Ways that were my own

At last I snatched them back and cried,

“How could you be so slow?”

“My child”, God replied “What could I do? You never let them go.”

I often don’t fully do Step 3 of letting God do God’s part without me meddling or being impatient.

Only recently did it occur to me that maybe my older brother gave this story to me because he knows this broken part of me well and it wasn’t just good overall advice for anyone.

Shockingly, I wasn’t offended but accepted that gift with love and appreciation.

I put it where I can see it daily, as a needed reminder.

There is still that part of me that holds on and tries to help in my own ways,

-instead of Letting God do God’s part

-Instead of Letting others do their part

-Instead of doing what I’m led by God to do……

Which, more often than not, seemed disappointingly little or small in the form of actions.

As a firefighter and ER Nurse I’ve been able to help many people and even help save some lives from a premature death.

Oddly, that didn’t usually take a lot of courage or faith for me. If anything, it reinforced my False Self/Ego that thinks I can fix the broken parts of our human conditions.

I’m not speaking of what others may deem as “broken” about us, but our own sense of brokenness that we have taken on- that is both individually and collectively in our cultures and communities.

Instead of being able to cure, fix and heal the way I want, the only Power God seems to grant me is Love, forgiveness, understanding, patience, joy, some humility, an encouraging light of hope in the darkness, a willingness to grow and change, a listening heart

and faith in God’s presence, even when it isn’t obvious.

You would think that’s Enough- you might even consider these an abundant set of gifts to give and be given.

You would be right, but that just reveals more of my beautiful brokenness-

that I often miss the gifts I’m given that are much more than enough.

I too have had to reach out and touch the garment of Christ’s healing wholeness, in my broken state. When I’ve done this, so to speak, I was hoping I wouldn’t be noticed

but that I’d get what I needed by just touching a tiny piece of this Healer’s clothing.

I imagine I’d be horrified and embarrassed to be caught touching his clothing or noticed or seen as someone who was bleeding and needing help. God forbid I’d be seen as human.

Thankfully there are times when I know I’m powerless and that I can’t do for me what God can. I’ve had to reach with those 3 A’s of Awareness, Acceptance and Action so that I could let God do God’s part. And I’ve had to lean into those first 3 steps of the 12 steps that show me that I can’t, God can and I’m going to let God.

Thomas Keating said that “Vulnerability means to be hurt over and over again, without seeking to love less But More”. This seems very counterintuitive to the part of me that wants to be protected and live an illusion of safety.

The more I see and live into vulnerability and surrendering-the more I see it as a strength and place for God’s Super Power of Love and Healing to live in this messy human condition and community of people on earth.

It’s a gift of faith and courage to show up in the beautiful- but not pretty parts of our human lives, with our full presence, that offers those God given set of gifts I mentioned earlier- of

Love, forgiveness, understanding, patience, joy, an encouraging light of Hope in the darkness, some humility, a listening heart, willingness to grow and change and faith in God’s presence with us.

Richard Rohr believes that brokenness is not a state to be fixed, but a necessary doorway to spiritual maturity and that a broken heart opens us to developing empathy and a true ability to love others.

I have seen this on many occasions. When we are broken open, individually and as a community, we are so much more connected into our Oneness and wholeness.

Think of some of the tragedies and natural disasters we have had right here and how we responded.

The 2nd reading today are words from a song by Matthew West, that I find uncomfortable and revealing about being broken. These words in particular struck me.

“There’s a sign on the door, says, “Come as you are” but I doubt it.

Cause if we lived like that was true every Sunday morning pew would be crowded.

But didn’t you say church should look more like a hospital.

A safe place for the sick, the sinner, and the scarred and the prodigals, like me.”

Ouch- that stings- with a message of truth that isn’t easily heard or believed by many.

In the scripture reading today Jesus even says “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but for those who are sick.” He saw himself as a physician that was present to help the sick and broken.

I am really inspired and lifted by our own Community UCC’s open, welcoming and accepting approaches, to all of us being “broken” and human.

We don’t do it perfectly but we live into the 3 A’s of Awareness of the real needs, Acceptance of those needs and Actions to be that place that is more like a hospital, where our brokenness is revealed safely and touched with care.

Not that hospitals always get that right either.

But, I don’t believe that most places of worship and in our communities are comfortable with our most real human conditions of being broken, hurt, bruised, scared, flawed, scarred or bleeding. That seemed to be true in Jesus’ time also.

I use to love hearing our own Jan Lapp tell people she had Dementia.

She would say it to any and all of us-even during casual chats after the service.

She said it with grace and acceptance and warmth.

She did those 3 A’s- even with her failing brain.

She was aware, accepted this condition and acted upon it by stating it lovingly and letting people know she was likely to forget or repeat herself.

She let God and us do for her what she couldn’t on her own- to love her and listen and accept her just as she was in that state.

We are a community that cares deeply and lives that out in many ways of those 3 A’s

With awareness of needs and wounds

With acceptance of the suffering and pain present

With actions that let us do our parts and let God do God’s part.

We are willing to be more like a hospital than many churches or places where we have to be perfect or “fine” and have it all together.

We are a church for the people-living in human suits with human conditions that are truly beautiful but not always pretty from an outside perspective.

Let us shine God’s beauty on our humanness.

Amen