Thomas: What's so Bad About Doubt?

John 20:19-31

After the death and resurrection of Jesus the disciples are hiding out of fear of the religious authorities. Full of doubt and fear they have heard from the women that Jesus has risen, but they thought it was an idle tale. But then Jesus himself comes and stands among them and says, "Peace be with you". They see the wounds and believe that he is alive. But for some reason Thomas is not with them. And Thomas earns a place in Christian history as "doubting Thomas" by saying he won't believe what the other disciples tell him until he see Christ himself and touches the wounds. Well, a week or so later he gets his wish, for Jesus comes once again- perhaps just for Thomas and Thomas has his doubts removed.

I think Thomas has gotten kind of a bad rap from tradition. He is remembered as the doubter, as if he were the only one. I even heard of Thomas being held up as a negative example of faith. Don't be like Thomas, he was a doubter ­ he didn't believe without seeing proof. But what do we know about Thomas anyway. From another perspective he could be seen as a practical, concrete kind of guy. Earlier in John's gospel it is Thomas who supports Jesus when Jesus wants to go to Bethany, a place where he had to leave under threat of being stoned. Thomas says, "Let us also go that we may die with him," not the words of a coward or doubter. And later when Jesus is giving one of his long, theological discourses in John's gospel, Jesus tells the disciples, "In my Father's house there are many dwelling places: where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going." Here Thomas breaks in, "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?"

Thomas seems to be a plainspoken, honest kind of guy. He wants to understand what is going on, that's all. And when we consider the night Thomas wasn't with the other Disciples, hiding in a closed room, I want to ask, "where was Thomas anyway." Was he perhaps the only one with courage enough to leave the hiding place and go and try to find out what was happening with these rumors of Jesus' resurrection. Or was he the one who realized that someone better go out and get bread and milk? And when he missed seeing Jesus, he just asked for proof. What any one of us contemporary Americans would ask for. In our culture of skepticism and the demand for personal proof and experience, Thomas might be our patron saint. Thomas, the saint of practical, scientific method.

To understand Thomas' reputation as "doubting Thomas" we need to consider what John was trying to teach when he wrote down the story of Thomas' doubt. John was writing a long time after Jesus died, at least 60 to 70 years. He was writing to Christians in Asia Minor, most of who never saw Jesus in the flesh, and were just like Thomas, in that they were being asked to believe without having seen the risen Christ. John is concerned to teach the lesson that "blessed are those who have not seen, and yet believe." He tells this story, possible to show his contemporary Christians that even the Disciples had trouble believing when they hadn't seen Jesus themselves. Anyone would. Maybe John was hoping his readers would take heart in Thomas' very human example, and not feel guilty about their doubts, but know that even Thomas doubted.

My point today is simply that it's ok to doubt. If we are honest with ourselves, our faith is a constant struggle with doubt. Faith and doubt are two sides of a coin, connected, inseparable. We have much in common with the original audience of John's gospel. We have not seen the risen Christ as the disciples did. We may have had encounters with Christ, in other people, in visions and dreams, in love and servanthood, but we also have times when God seems far away, and we are living on faith alone.

Then we need to look at Thomas' example. We need to honest about our doubts. We need to challenge God and ask for guidance. We need to not just say we believe when we really do not. Thomas was a gutsy guy who asked for what he needed and was honest about his doubts. He demanded nothing less than the truth, and didn't take the easy way out. Neither should we. Holding onto faith is not as easy thing. Living as people faithful to God in a violent, confusing world, is not easy. We need real faith, real answers to our doubts. Do not choose the easy way in faith. Do not take someone else's word for it. Go out and find your own path to follow God. Face your doubts squarely. Ask God for what you really need in your faith journey.

Amy Hunter, a poet who wrote about Thomas in a recent copy of The Christian Century tells of having emergency surgery about 5 years ago. Her sister was living in New York, a professor at Exams time; she was also to be married in less than a week. Nevertheless, her sister insisted on driving from New York City to Massachusetts in a snowstorm to see her sister in the hospital. No phone call could reassure her that Ms. Hunter was alive, she had to see her sister with her own eyes. This may have been doubt, but it was also love. It was love - and determination to know the truth.

There is another story that comes to mind. I can't remember if this is a Buddhist story or a Christian story, but it doesn't matter. A young man came to a teacher to learn about faith, and he became one of the teacher's students. Every so often he would come to the teacher and they would talk about his progress, but it wasn't rapid and the teacher didn't find him to be a diligent student. Finally, the teacher took the student to a river, and leading him down into the water he suddenly grabbed the student and held him under, not permitting him to come up for breath. Finally, he let the student come up for air, sputtering and coughing. The student gasped, "why did you do that?" The teacher answered, "When you want faith and seek God as desperately as you wanted air just now, than you will be in the right relationship to God."

Let us face our doubts honestly ­ face the reality of suffering and of life and death- face the loneliness of our faith journeys as we struggle to keep body and soul together. Be like Thomas and demand nothing less than the truth and seek God with fierce and determined love.